Episode 13: Thanatophobia
by Castle Season 9
Summary: A murder with an oddly familiar M.O. puts the 12th Precinct on edge. When a second victim is discovered, Castle and the homicide team will be tested to the limit as they rush to solve the case before the killer strikes again...
1. Chapter 1

**Thanatophobia**

Season 9, Episode 13

Written by rippedateveryedge and thebazilelord

 _This is a work of fiction by writers with no professional connection to ABC network's Castle. Recognizable characters are the property of Andrew Marlowe and ABC. Names, places, and incidents are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, businesses, companies, events, or locales is entirely coincidental._

* * *

Kate grimaced as she glanced up at the clock and quickly threw the chicken onto the pan, rushing to have dinner prepared before Castle got back from his appointment with Dr. Burke. Thank God they had leftover sauce from the other night; all they'd have to do was heat it up and boom, a nice meal with minimal effort. Sliding the raw meat into the oven and setting a timer, she was finally able to _sit._ The throbbing ache in her back from carrying around the extra weight in her middle immediately began to dissipate when her body sank onto the nearest kitchen stool. She leaned forward, resting her head on her arms and closing her eyes.

Only to have them pop back open about a minute later.

The front door opened and Castle walked through, causing her to stumble to her feet, her usual grace hindered by weariness and her ever-evolving center of gravity. His eyes slid to hers and he managed a small smile as he walked towards her, draping his coat over the kitchen chair next to her.

"Kate," he sighed, pressing a light kiss to her temple. "You okay?"

She studied him; he looked tired and worn, his nose still red. Like she'd look after her therapy appointments, those long months after her first shooting when she was picking up the shattered pieces of herself that hadn't really been whole since her mom was murdered.

"Yeah, m'fine. A little tired, maybe. Though I feel like I should be the one asking you that. How was your appointment? You look...?"

"It was fine, I guess. As much as therapy can be."

The slight frown on his face that he was unable to fully mask told her otherwise.

"Castle," she chastised softly. "You know that I know when you're lying. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, really. It's just... therapy makes me feel so... cut open and vulnerable, you know? And talking about my PTSD just lets me know how messed up I still am, how I still have a long way to go to be where I want to be."

"I do know how that feels," Beckett murmured in sympathy, moving a hand towards his face. "But I'm so proud of you for continuing to go even though it's hard." She cradled his cheek, her thumb stroking along the dark smudges under his eyes in soothing circles.

His shoulders began to visibly relax as he leaned his head into her hand, breathing deeply as his eyes fluttered closed. He banded his arms around her in return, enjoying the feeling of her ever-growing body against him.

They remained like that for a few moments before she stroked her hand down his shoulder and arm to grasp his hand, squeezing his fingers. She pulled back, giving him a shy smile.

"I was trying to have dinner ready, but as you can see, my timing was not exactly... ideal," she huffed on a laugh.

He snorted softly, his lips curving into a thin smile. "I've spoiled you in the cooking department, haven't I? You're out of practice." That earned him a half-hearted swat on the arm. "What do you say about just ordering in and vegging on the couch? We can save what's in the oven for later, when we both have more energy."

She exhaled. "That sounds..."

The ringing of her phone cut her off mid-sentence.

"...perfect," she deadpanned, before she answered the call in a clipped tone.

Castle put his head next to her phone, trying to pick out words from the voice on the other end. After a few moments, she ended the call and turned to him, an apologetic expression on her face.

"The boys got a body. Apparently it's the daughter of a City Council member, James Berland. He wants me to look into it. Guess he thinks there's foul play and believes there need to be more eyes on this than usual. They're at 14th and Lex. You comin'? Or would you rather-"

"Is the Pope Catholic?" he interrupted, adopting his 'famous' accent and earning an eye roll.

"Babe, I love you, but that Christopher Walken impression still needs work." She patted his cheek, before pushing past him and heading towards the door. Passing the oven, she switched it off, glancing forlornly at the chicken she wouldn't be able to eat anytime soon.

"I think I'm offended," he scoffed in mock indignation as he followed behind her. "Is there something unusual about this victim? Her dad does have more power than the average person, but is there another reason they want a very pregnant captain going out to the scene?"

"Not that Esposito told me," Beckett responded on a sigh. "But I can handle this. It's just one case."

* * *

It was about 7:30 when they finally reached the crime scene.

"You sure you're up for this? You already had a long day of meetings." Castle went to place his hand over the swell of her belly, but she swatted it away.

"Not _here,_ " she hissed, which only elicited a grin from her husband.

"You okay to be here right now?" Espo questioned as he and Ryan approached them. "I know the councilman requested you be here but if you're too tired, we can handle this."

"Javi, I'm fine," Beckett sighed on an eyeroll. She was pregnant, not an invalid, for God's sake. "It's his daughter, I get him wanting answers as soon as possible."

"Berland insisted every available officer look into this case. I guess he thinks whatever happened isn't as open-shut as it appears, but he didn't really explain why over the phone," Ryan added as they arrived at the scene.

"What do we have, Lanie?" Beckett asked, peering at the body sprawled out on the street. She was young, probably several years younger than Beckett, her brown hair fanning out in every direction. Blood stained a large patch of ground beside her, most of it coming from what appeared to be a massive head wound.

"30-year-old female - ID in her wallet says she's Makenzie Berland. Witnesses didn't see her jump, but they heard her scream and saw her hit the ground, called 911. She's been here about half an hour. Looks like she fell from that building over there."

Castle and Beckett looked directly up to where the ME was pointing. It was a tall apartment building... and there was an open window on the tenth level.

"The address on her ID says she lives here," said Ryan.

"I know Councilman Berland wants us to look into his daughter's death, but isn't this probably a suicide?" Beckett asked, annoyance creeping into her tone. The untimely summons to the crime scene had effectively ruined her dinner with her husband, and given that she was still eating for two, such an interruption provoked her more than usual.

"It might be, but then I noticed this." Lanie knelt down and gently picked up the victim's limp left arm. "It took me a minute to spot it, but I think we might be looking at a homicide."

She gently grasped the victim's hand and lifted it for Beckett to see. Long scratch marks marred her wrists, as if there had been a fight.

"It looks like she put up a struggle," Kate observed, pressing her lips into a thin line. "Get her back to the lab to see if you can find anything else. Maybe the killer left some DNA. We're going to need a little more than a few scratches if we're going to make a case."

Lanie nodded, turning to give the coroner her orders.

"Odd."

Beckett turned around to find her husband frowning down at the body, brows furrowed."What's odd, Castle?" she asked, bracing for a wiseass comment.

"It's odd that it's so messy. Most women who complete suicide will take pills or slit their wrists. Not jump off a building."

"Well, let's talk to the family, see if we can get any insight on who she was," Beckett replied before adding to Lanie, "Call me if you find anything."

* * *

"She was so young." James Berland, the victim's father, a graying angular man, paused for the twelfth time to wipe at his eyes with a Kleenex. "Too young." His wife, Alice, stared straight ahead, seemingly beyond any capacity to answer questions.

"Was your daughter... was _Makenzie_ depressed at all?" Ryan asked gently. It was odd, seeing the normally stern and powerful city councilman looking so desolate. But as a father himself, he could only begin to imagine the older man's pain.

"No! Not in the slightest!" James exclaimed, causing Alice to jump slightly in her seat. "Makenzie was doing great. She had a job as a nurse, made several friends in the area, and was in a serious relationship with a wonderful guy."

"Sorry, sorry," Ryan placated, as Esposito jotted down notes beside him. "We just have to rule out all possibilities."

"I understand," Mr. Berland replied, his voice calmer. "It's just... my baby girl..." His voice trailed off and he had to look away, his eyes blinking rapidly. "How could this have happened to her?"

"Do you know of any reason why she would have wanted to jump from her window?"

"None. Mak hated heights. They terrified her more than anything else. She used to be in therapy for it even. Living in an apartment so far up was part of her treatment plan. It seemed to be helping her a little, but she was still very afraid. She never would have wanted to die like... like this. That's why I asked Captain Beckett specifically to help with her case. None of this adds up."

Esposito nodded as he jotted some notes down in his notebook.

"What about enemies? Was there anyone at work that she was having problems with, or maybe an unhappy patient that would want to hurt Makenzie?"

"No, no. I mean, the nursing field can be competitive, but she never had issues with anyone."

"You said she had a boyfriend. What was his name?" Esposito asked softly.

"Kyle Palmer. They met at nursing school her senior year. She really loves... loved him." The anguish at now having to refer to his daughter in the past tense was palpable on the older man's face and he once again had to turn away from the detectives.

"And you're sure that everything was good between them?"

"I'm positive," Alice reassured them, covering for her husband, who was still visibly distraught. "He... he came to us only a couple weeks ago asking if he could have our blessing to - to marry her. Oh God, we're going to have to tell him that she's..."

"Ma'am, that's okay, you can leave that up to us," Ryan assuaged his interviewees.

But Makenzie's mother shook her head, wiping stray tears from her eyes. "I appreciate that, but he should hear it from us."

"Well, we will still want to talk to him, rule him out as a possible suspect. But thank you for your time. I promise we will do everything on our power to find out what happened to your daughter."

As the couple turned to leave, James stopped suddenly.

"Detective Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"Find who did this. It wasn't a suicide, I can tell you that much. Makenzie was very afraid of heights. She would've been far too scared to jump."

Visibly saddened by the grieving father's final statement, the boys once again assured Makenzie's parents that they would find the truth and had LT escort them out of the precinct. They headed to Beckett's office to give her an update.

"Okay, thanks, guys. Given who the victim's father is, I want to get this wrapped up as quickly as possible before the press gets involved. See if you can find out anything from her co-workers, and Castle and I will talk to her boyfriend."

"Will do, boss."

* * *

"Nothing."

Beckett jolted up from her interview notes from Kyle Palmer to find Ryan and Esposito once again at her desk, both looking frustrated.

"Beg your pardon?" she asked, pushing her chair out and instinctively placing a protective palm over her stomach.

"We got nothing from the coworkers," Espo elaborated with a scowl. "All of them said she was easy to work with and didn't cause any problems. What did you and Castle make of the boyfriend?"

"He was just like her parents described," Beckett replied, scanning her notes. "He wanted to propose to Makenzie and clearly loved her very much. He was also with a friend at the time of her death and the friend corroborated the alibi. I'm thinking that if this was murder, Makenzie was killed by someone outside her normal circles. Maybe she got into something she shouldn't have."

Just then, Castle walked in, carrying two steaming mugs.

"You're a lifesaver," Beckett murmured with a shy smile when he placed one of them into her outstretched hand. Only Castle would be able to make a cup of decaf as good and flavorful as regular.

"Anything for the woman who's carrying my baby girl," her husband replied, eyes twinkling. "Did either of you get a lead?"

"Nothing," Ryan repeated, shaking his head in annoyance.

Beckett's phone buzzed, ending the frustrating lull. She picked it up and briefly glanced at the message illuminated on the screen.

"It's Lanie. She has something to show us," the captain said, motioning slightly to Castle. "Ryan, Espo, keep looking into all known associates, see if something shows up." The boys nodded and swiftly exited the room, Castle and Beckett following suit heading the opposite direction.

* * *

The morgue had its usual chill when Castle and Beckett entered, the sharp scents of sterilization intended to mask the stark odor of death permeating the air. Their victim, Makenzie, was laid out on the slab, perfectly still, in a far more graceful position than she had been when they found her sprawled out on the ground, the scratch marks a vivid red on her ashen skin.

"Whatcha got, Lanie?" Beckett inquired as she approached her best friend, her husband close behind.

"Well, tox screens came back and our victim tested positive for ketamine, also known as Special K. It's a sedative. It entered her bloodstream shortly before her death. It would explain why she didn't brace herself as she fell. If this were a suicide, I would say she took it just to make the jump painless. But if you ask me, that wasn't the case "

"What do you mean?" Castle questioned, brows furrowing.

"Well, in addition to the ketamine, she has the indicators of a struggle. There are bruises on her upper arms and torso that are consistent with someone who would be trying to shove her backwards. The lack of coloring indicates that she received them right before her death. And of course there were the scratches that you saw at the crime scene. But the most compelling piece of evidence is that the injection mark is in the side of her neck."

"The side of her neck?" Beckett asked. "Someone else drugged her?"

"It would be a very unusual place to inject anything if this were a self-inflicted administration of ketamine," Lanie confirmed. "In addition to the sedation effects, this substance would act as a type of paralytic. It would make her lose all form of control while she still remained conscious. I believe that it was used to incapacitate her before she was pushed off the roof."

A tense silence filled the room.

"This really was murder," Castle breathed.

* * *

 _Tune in tomorrow for Chapter 2.  
_ _As a reminder, after this week's episode, we will take a short hiatus. We resume on Monday, March 20th, and episodes 14-22 will air weekly without any more breaks.  
_ _Thanks for reading!_


	2. Chapter 2

"I wish I could lie down and sleep forever," Beckett grumbled as she and Castle approached their door.

"Not much longer until you start maternity leave. Then I can bother you at all hours from the comforts of home." His wife rolled her eyes and moved to unlock the door, but he didn't miss the smile playing on her lips.

Upon reaching the door to their home, Beckett immediately headed for their bedroom, kicking off her shoes and switching into more comfortable clothes before lying down on her side of the bed. Her husband followed suit.

"You know, Kate, if this case is too exhausting, you _are_ the captain. You can take a step back," he reminded her gently as he guided her weary body into his chest.

"Yeah, just... all this... working these cases? It's for her now, too," Beckett murmured, picking up his hand and moving it to rest on her stomach. "I want her to grow up in a safer world."

"She will, Kate. Because of you, she will."

His wife didn't reply immediately and Castle could see that her eyes had closed so he assumed that she had fallen asleep, worn out after a stressful day. But, as usual, she surprised him by running gentle fingers over his hand that was still on her pregnant belly.

"How are you doing?" Her voice was nothing more than a tired whisper and yet it wrapped itself around his heart all the same. "Is the case bringing up any triggers?"

"Oh, okay," he responded on a sigh. "Even better because I have you and our little one. Haven't felt any of the usual symptoms." He wiggled the tips of his fingers against her skin and he could feel her squirm slightly against him.

"You both make me want to get better."

It was dark but he knew she was smiling. He swallowed quietly, feeling both grateful and guilty that she was too tired to hear the slight hesitation in his words. When he said he was okay he hadn't been _lying_ , per se; he could never lie to his wife. The fear, the hypervigilance still pricked in the back of his mind, however. He just hoped the case would be over before he truly wasn't okay.

* * *

The next day, Castle and Beckett arrived at the Twelfth early, mugs in hand, ready to continue working the case. Neither felt particularly well-rested even after going to bed at a relatively reasonable hour, but it was all the more encouragement to wrap the case up as quickly as possible. Castle, however, bee-lined for the break room to refill their now-empty mugs.

Beckett quickly became disgruntled, however, when she saw the newspaper sitting on top of one of the bullpen detectives' desks. She hadn't had time to peruse her own copy at home; if she had, she would have seen _CITY COUNCILMAN'S DAUGHTER FOUND DEAD_ below the fold. It wasn't a very long article, and thankfully didn't include any photos nor much speculation as to what had actually happened to the victim, but the fact that it had been printed at all irritated her. This killer, whoever they were, probably fed off attention, if the scene they'd left yesterday was any indication. While of course Makenzie deserved to be remembered, an eye-catching article like this was not particularly helpful in their investigation.

Her phone rang, interrupting her train of thought.

"We got another body, about a block from where Makenzie was found, but this time in an alley. You're gonna want to see this." Ryan hung up without elaborating. Beckett tossed the newspaper back onto the desk and went to grab her husband from the break room.

* * *

"You think whoever was behind the first victim's death did this too?" Castle asked as they neared the crime scene.

"Too soon to speculate," Beckett murmured, her lips pursing slightly. "But Ryan did sound concerned."

Seconds later, they were standing over the body. Like Makenzie, it was a young woman, but unlike their first victim, she had a series of burns scattered on her skin. Her face was contorted in agony, red marks marring what had obviously been a near-perfect complexion. It almost stole Beckett's breath away, the amount of pain their victim had clearly been in right before she died.

"What the hell happened?" Castle asked Lanie, who was still conducting her initial investigation of the remains.

"Name's Rachel Mosley. 33-year-old from Brooklyn." Lanie frowned before continuing. "Cause of death seems to be electrocution directly to the heart. As you can see, she was shocked several times antemortem, so she was tortured before she died." Her voice tapered off, as though telling the terrible truth about what had happened would make it even more real.

"Electrocution?" Kate asked, horror washing over her face.

Lanie nodded slowly. "It looks like the killer held two open wires directly over her chest."

"Any witnesses?" the captain asked, looking around the crime scene. The alley was sandwiched between a casual bistro and a chain Chinese restaurant, and was the site of several garbage cans that could have easily obstructed the view of the body.

"None so far," Esposito said as he approached them, having overheard their discussion. "But it's possible that people around here just want to mind their own business. And Lanie says she's been dead less than a day. It's likely she was dumped overnight."

"I found fibers in her clothes," the ME continued. "They look like they came from a carpet or thick blanket of some kind. I'll have the lab analyze them to be sure. The killer took whatever it was with them, though, after they left her here."

Kate pursed her lips, deep in thought. "Did you call us down here because you think there's a connection to Makenzie's case?"

Lanie glanced over at Espo, who nodded and moved even closer to his partners, a grim expression on his face.

"This is the part we needed you to see," the detective said in a low voice. He held out what looked like a CD case and Kate carefully took it from him, Castle looking over her shoulder in curiosity.

Both of their faces blanched.

It was a DVD, a homemade one, with _KATE BECKETT_ and _RICHARD CASTLE_ written out in a careful script.

* * *

They all crowded around Ryan's computer, the DVD in his hand.

"You sure you want to see what's on this? It could be a stupid prank," the younger detective reasoned, but the quiver in his voice revealed that he felt otherwise.

"Play it," Beckett breathed out, tightly clutching Castle's hand. "We need to know for sure." Ryan nodded and pushed the DVD into the drive.

The screen was grainy for a second until it focused, revealing a very familiar sight. Them - all of them - at the first crime scene. The recording was video-only so none of their voices could be heard, but the message was crystal clear.

The killer, whoever it was, had been watching them.

As the recording continued, it became apparent that the camera was focusing primarily on Castle and Beckett, tracking their every movement as they hovered over Makenzie's body.

Castle's sharp intake of breath broke the silence.

"They're targeting us," he whispered, fear evident in his voice.

And it was quiet again, the silence oppressive in the small space. Each of them wracked their brains, trying to think past the shock of the DVD to figure out which sick person could possibly be monitoring them.

One came to mind. One whom they'd encountered not too long ago.

"Do you think it's-"

"I don't - I don't know." Beckett responded, voice wavering. "I mean it makes sense, right? Makenzie hated heights, yet it was made to seem she jumped from a roof. Maybe Rachel was afraid of electrocution?"

"Seems like a weird thing to be afraid of... unless she was afraid of lightning storms or something," Castle mused, but there was a dazed, unfocused look in his eyes. The contents of the DVD were at the forefront of his mind. Kate. The baby. _His family._

"Fear," Ryan swallowed. "Her M.O." Silence hung in the air for a moment, each of them remembering the case all those months ago. The case that could've killed the boys, could've changed everything forever. _And she might be back._

"We need to talk to the husband. And speak to Dr. McCormick, the psychiatrist we investigated last time, to see if he had Makenzie and Rachel as patients," Kate said curtly, before quickly turning and heading for the break room. Her swift actions jolted her husband out of his thoughts and, gathering his bearings, he followed behind her.

"Kate, Kate. Wait." He caught up with her in the break room, took her arm to stop her. "Before you do anything else... just... hold on a second. We... we just saw a video proving that someone is watching us. Watching you. And by extension... our baby. We need to take precautions here." He placed a hand over her stomach and she covered it with one of her own.

"I know, Castle," she replied shakily, her eyes averted from his. "But we can't put this whole case on hold and hide just because we're afraid of some creep who thinks he or she can get the best of us. We need to be careful... but Makenzie and Rachel also need justice. That's why we're here."

"But Kate, we already nearly lost each other once. I can't - I can't risk losing you again," he whispered, grief and self-deprecation filling his eyes. He tilted her jaw so he could look at her directly."I can't fail you again."

"Stop it!" Kate rasped, bringing a hand up to cradle his face. "You _did not_ fail me. You have never failed me. And you will _never_ fail me." Her eyes bored into his, willing him to believe her, to see himself the way she saw him: a perfectly imperfect man worth more than life itself.

Castle swallowed hard, screwing his eyes shut, but he nodded, opening them again to let her see the gratitude in them.

"Thank you."

In lieu of words she stepped into him, took a deep breath as his arms encircled her waist. They stood in each other's embrace for several minutes, until his breathing evened and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. They stepped away from each other and Castle straightened his shoulders.

Kate gave him one last reaffirming smile and motioned for the door.

"Let's get this killer, whoever the hell it is."

* * *

Ryan and Esposito reached Dr. Calvin McCormick's office with very little delay. Having been there before, they remembered the route with ease. This trip, however, there was added urgency that neither could ignore.

"You think it's her, don't you?" Ryan asked his partner. "The woman who held us?"

Esposito growled. "I hope it is. I can't wait to take her down. She messed with us and now she's messing with our friends. She's not getting away with it."

Ryan frowned. "You aren't planning to do anything reckless, are you?"

His partner scowled as he opened the door to the practice. "She's going to prison. That's the plan."

The two shared a look that said everything. They'd do anything for each other, and anything for Castle and Beckett. No matter the risk.

Dr. McCormick had just finished with a client, walking out to find the two detectives standing in the waiting room. His eyes widened in recognition, then became somber. He remembered all too well the interrogation he'd gone through when the boys were taken, the horror when he realized he was a suspect and two cops could be dead.

"What's this about?" he asked, hesitation in his tone. Espo frowned, stepping forward to hand the psychiatrist pictures of Makenzie and Rachel.

"Recognize either one of these women?" The shrink's eyes flashed with recognition as he examined the photos, but he quickly suppressed his reaction.

"You know I can't tell you if I did. Doctor-patient confidentiality is of highest importance." His comment earned him a quiet scowl from both detectives.

"They're dead, Dr. McCormick. Confidentiality isn't an issue anymore." The psychiatrist gasped, eyes widening as he returned the photos.

"Yes, they were my clients," he murmured, shaking his head and averting his eyes, which were beginning to water slightly. "I'm sorry to hear that they both have passed. Were they murdered by the same person who was killing my other patients?"

"We aren't sure yet," Ryan said. "Can you tell us if either of them struggled with phobias of any kind?"

Dr. McCormick nodded somberly. "Yes, both of them were undergoing exposure therapy for specific phobias. Makenzie was very afraid of heights and Rachel... Rachel was afraid of storms. Why, do you think that has something to do with their deaths?"

Any hope, any at all that the killer wasn't the one who had abducted them, died with his words.

 _It really was her._

"We do," Esposito confirmed, trying to mask the dread welling up inside of him. "Now, Doctor, the last time this killer struck, she tried to frame you for her crimes, even took my partner and I to the practice you were building. It wasn't Angela Payne, as our associates had suspected at the time, but we know it was a woman. Who besides Angela has access to your patient files?" He raised his voice as he spoke, a fist clenched at his side.

"Watch it," Ryan mumbled, placing a hand on his partner's shoulder for just a second to placate him. Espo was visibly shaking, and if he was having the same experience as Ryan, the memories of what they had been through were resurfacing and threatening to drown him.

"Any woman who works here, I suppose. Other practitioners. Receptionists. I can make a list..."

"Do that," Esposito blurted out, unable to disguise his impatience. "Anyone at all who has access to that information, even if you think they're the furthest thing from a killer."

"I-I will," the psychiatrist promised, flustered by the urgency in the detective's tone. "Right away."

"Thank you," Ryan said in a more reassuring voice. "We'll be right here waiting for it."

Dr. McCormick nodded and excused himself, noticeably shaken. Once he was out of earshot, Ryan turned to face his partner.

"Come on. Don't lose it in front of this guy. We'll get her."

Esposito looked away. "You can't know that, bro. We didn't get her the last time. Who's to say this time will be any different?"


	3. Chapter 3

Back at the precinct, Castle and Beckett had just finished interviewing Rachel's husband, Derek Mosley, and were in Beckett's office, where she was filling out her notes.

"No enemies, again, and her husband was with work friends at the time of the murder, so we can rule him out as a suspect," Kate murmured as her pen scratched against the smooth surface of her desk. Her eyes flicked away from her husband as she spoke again. "She just had a baby."

Castle got up from his chair and stood next to his wife, placing a hand on her shoulder..

"I know," he breathed. "I know, Kate."

The silence that followed was so thick it threatened to suffocate them. There was a time, not too long ago, when the death of a new mother would not have struck Beckett as more heinous a crime than any other victim. It was sad, but nothing like the gut-wrenching horror that churned in her stomach now. The thought of such a permanent separation from the tiny girl growing inside her, a little person she loved more than anyone even though she hadn't met her, made her throat constrict with emotions that couldn't even be put into words.

"Got a list!" Ryan's voice brought the couple out of their ruminating as he rushed into her office, accompanied by Esposito.

"Everyone who had access to Dr. McCormick's patient files," the other detective elaborated, snatching the paper from Ryan's hand and slapping it on Beckett's desk. She picked it up and perused the list of names.

"Run a background check of everyone on here and bring in anyone who raises a red flag. Someone like this didn't just start killing for no reason, so look for a stressful or traumatic incident in their lives within the past year, such as the death of a loved one or a divorce."

She handed the list back to the boys as they nodded in affirmation and walked back to their desks.

Beckett sighed and put her head in her hands.

"You okay?" Castle asked, concern lining his face. "You can take a break if you need to."

Beckett shook her head. "It's not that," she huffed, her words muffled by her hands. After a second, she looked up at her husband. "It's just... both Makenzie and Rachel were in the prime of their lives, in stable relationships, and were young and healthy. Rachel was even a new mom. It's just... odd. Her previous victims had much less stability in their lives when they were killed. Something must have changed in the killer's life to make her change how she picks her victims."

Her husband nodded solemnly. "It's odd. Hopefully the boys will find something that explains it."

"They're holding up pretty well seeing as how the killer is probably the one who kidnapped them," Beckett said, a hint of pride in her voice. "I'm going to pull up their statements from that to see if there's anything we can use to track her." She turned to face her computer and for a moment it was quiet except for the clack of her fingers on the keyboard. Once she pulled up the statements her boys had given, Castle joined her to look at the monitor, his eyes widening as he speed-read through the reports.

"She tortured them. Not so much physically, but psychologically. She knew their biggest fears even without them being McCormick's or Payne's patients. That Ryan fears fire and that Espo would rather die than watch his partner die. How would she know that?"

"That fire from a few years ago, the day Sarah Grace was born. That was pretty public. It got a lot of television coverage, remember? Everyone knew that two detectives who were partners were trapped in that building. It stands to reason then that our killer remembered that fire and made the intuitive leap that Ryan and Espo feared a similar situation happening again."

Castle swallowed. "That doesn't explain the DVD. That doesn't explain why she's watching you and me, specifically."

"No, it doesn't," Beckett relented, chewing on her bottom lip. "Got a wild and crazy theory that explains it?" Her husband smiled wanly, his eyes twinkling ever so slightly in the way they did only when she was around.

"Sorry, the genius mind that brought you the totally plausible theories about CIA ninja assassins and zombie uprisings appears to be out of service when it comes to cases that directly affect our well-being." He was attempting levity, but the tinge of fear in his tone suggested he hardly found their situation funny.

Kate recognized this instantly and placed a reassuring hand over his, their fingers twining even as the worry clogged the space between them.

"Maybe it's because you're exhausted. I know it's hard for you to sleep sometimes when you've had a tough therapy appointment. Why don't you head home, try and get some rest? I'll finish up some paperwork from other cases that I haven't gotten to yet and join you as soon as I can."

His reaction was instantaneous, visceral.

" _No!_ Beckett, have you completely lost your mind?" It came out as almost a yell, and he had to pause to take a few calming inhales before continuing. "The killer, whoever she is, left a DVD targeting _us_. You and me. We have to stick together, at least until we figure out what the hell is going on. Besides, we have someone else to be thinking about now." He was shaking by the end, the moisture in his eyes threatening to spill over.

"I know, babe," Beckett responded, the calm in her tone in stark contrast to her husband's, who was still breathing slightly heavier than normal. She carefully peeled herself from her chair, giving herself a few seconds to accommodate the extra weight that hugged her middle. "But you need your sleep. You aren't any good to me or the baby if you can barely focus. I appreciate you wanting to protect us, but you have to take care of yourself as well. We'll be fine for a few hours, promise. Won't we, baby?" Her hand dropped to her protruding stomach, fingers running lazily over the sloped surface.

Castle's shoulders relaxed a little, though his lips still pulled downward. "Just a few hours. You'll be back as soon as you're done with the paperwork." It was both a question and a statement.

"I promise, Rick. I'll be home as soon as I can." As if to prove her devotion, she stepped forward and pressed the smallest of kisses to his neck.

She watched as her husband gave her and her stomach one last, lingering look. After a moment, he turned and walked out.

* * *

When he finally returned to the loft, Castle had to admit that his wife was right. He really was exhausted, maybe to the point that it was making him agitated, wary. Setting his keys and wallet on the counter, he reached into the cabinet for a glass so that he could hydrate and perhaps be able to relax a little.

 _Thump._

It was a dull sound and had he not already been on edge he might not have picked up on it. The hairs on the back of his neck stiffened and he nearly dropped the glass. He could feel his heart slamming against his ribcage.

Kate was still at the precinct. Alexis and his mother had said nothing about dropping by.

 _Someone was in his home._

* * *

Even in his panic, Richard Castle still had the uncanny ability to think clearly. Kate kept her spare piece in the safe in the study, so that was out. Not to be deterred, he opened the kitchen drawer to his left and pulled out the biggest and sharpest knife he could find.

Closing the drawer as quietly as possible, he inched his way towards the study, knife in hand. He could feel pinpricks of sweat dotting his forehead, the wetness in his palm loosening his grip on his weapon ever so slightly. His throat felt like it was caving in on itself, his chest beginning to ache as his breathing slowed dramatically in spite of his heightened nerves.

It occurred to him even as he continued to inch towards the source of the thump that he should maybe call his wife. Or, at the very least, call for backup, as the last person he wanted facing an intruder was the woman carrying his child. But to sound the alarm would also alert whoever the hell was in the loft right now. And it would be embarrassing, really, if he were to call in the cavalry for it to just be some random noise. He was being foolish, it was probably nothing-

 _Click._

He froze, feeling the press of a gun against the back of his head.

And then there were lips against his ear.

"Scared yet?"

Castle felt a sharp burst of pain rocketing across his skull and then everything went black.


	4. Chapter 4

Beckett sighed and stretched her arms, trying in vain to relieve her body of the tension that had been building all day. Paperwork had never been fun - although in the early days of her partnership with Castle it had acted as a deterrent against him showing up at the precinct despite his obvious crush on her. But now that she was captain and the number of forms she had to fill out had skyrocketed, it was even more of a chore.

Her eyes fell on her computer and she melted slightly at the desktop background photo of herself and Castle on their wedding day, and her hand instinctively covered her belly.

For him and for her, she could write these damn reports.

After maybe five more minutes of work, she heard a quiet rap on her door. Looking up, she saw it was Ryan standing right outside her office. He looked energized, motivated.

"Come in," she urged, waving him to her desk. The detective hastily complied and slid her a photo clipped to what appeared to be a report.

"Megan Bailey. She's a receptionist in Dr. McCormick's practice. Unmarried, no family around. Her sister passed away when she was thirteen, but other that that she had a fairly normal childhood, as far as I can tell. However, when we dug into her adult life, it became more concerning. She was recently arrested for assaulting her OB-GYN. According to police reports and witness statements, when she found out she was infertile, she went into a rage and gave the doctor a black eye."

"Infertile?" Beckett's eyebrows pinched in concentration as her mind latched onto the word. If there was anything she'd learned in all her years catching criminals, sudden life changes, especially tragic ones, could lead a person to make horrible decisions.

"Yeah," Ryan confirmed, flipping the paper upside down so he could scan it again. "It was about two months ago, actually, right around Christmas. Do you think that's significant?"

Beckett grabbed the document. "I think it's definitely something to look at. Her first victims led completely different lives from the ones she's killing now. Both women are at a good childbearing age and Rachel just had a baby. Lanie didn't find any history of pregnancy on Makenzie's body, but given that she had a long-term boyfriend it's very possible they were thinking about starting a family too."

Ryan paused, forehead wrinkling in consternation. "So... you think that infertility was the trigger for her to switch her victim type?"

"It's possible. Does...does she look at all like the woman who abducted you and Espo?" Her voice softened considerably by the end of the sentence, and she didn't want to make eye contact. The memory of those terrifying hours searching for her boys still chilled her, the possibility of having to tell their families they were never coming home a horror she'd never forgotten.

"We never got a good look at her, either of us. The sketch artist did her best with what we gave her, but the person she drew could've been anyone." The detective sighed and began to fidget with his hands.

"Would... you guys be comfortable going to her place, talking to her? And getting a warrant to search as well? You're both the most qualified to do this but I won't make you if... if it's too much." She trailed off, waiting nervously for Ryan to shut her down, to tell her that she was asking a lot of him, of them.

But she was pleasantly surprised. "No, no, we'll do it," Ryan blurted out. "If it's her, then someone's got to take her down. And who better than us?"

Sometimes Kate forgot that she wasn't the only one so deeply driven to find justice.

* * *

Megan Bailey lived in a perfectly average part of the city, in a modest apartment building cushioned between a plethora of businesses. Ryan and Esposito were able to navigate traffic with ease to reach it, both eager to speak with this woman and see if she was really the person who had tormented them not so long ago.

"Ready, bro?" Esposito asked as they both exited the vehicle, slamming their doors with punctuated authority.

"Yup," his partner replied, walking towards the apartment building door, signed warrant in hand. The two entered and flashed their badges at the doorman, who informed them that their suspect lived on the fourth floor and pointed them towards the elevators. Not willing to wait, however, the boys elected to take the stairs and were very quickly at Megan's door.

"NYPD!" Javier announced, knocking with a little more energy than usual. "We're just here to talk."

Silence, even when the detective knocked again.

"We're coming in!" he bellowed after a tense minute of waiting. He took a step back, his partner scurrying to get out of the way, and kicked the door, which violently swung open. They entered, weapons raised out of precaution.

The entire apartment was dark, not a single light left on. Ryan flicked on a switch in the kitchen while calling out once more for their suspect. They split up, checking each room for signs of their suspect or anyone else who may have been living there. After a few moments it became apparent that the apartment was currently uninhabited.

"Ryan, come here! You need to see this!" Espo called out after a couple minutes of searching. His partner bolted from what appeared to be Megan's home office and joined him in the bedroom.

He froze. Newspapers littered the entire room, with headlines reading "Crime Wave Sweeps NYC", "Detectives Saved From Inferno", and even a clipping from page 6 featuring Castle and an obviously pregnant Beckett strolling down the street on a night out.

"She's... she's keeping tabs on us," Ryan breathed, unable to look away from the bold print.

"That's not all, bro," Espo murmured. "She's got all the articles about her victims, even the earlier ones, in this book." He handed the other detective what appeared to be a leather-bound scrapbook. In addition to the brief articles, there were pictures of each of the victims… and she'd crossed out their faces with red ink. At least, they hoped it was red ink.

"We found her," Ryan stated, calm resolve in his voice. "We got her."

But Javier shook his head. "I don't think so. She's our killer, no doubt about that, but I checked her closet. It's empty. She has a safe here too and it's cleared out, so it's possible she's carrying a lot of cash, possibly a weapon. She isn't planning on coming back here."

A chill ran down Ryan's spine and he almost shivered. "But Javi… if she's cleared out, she has to have had a reason. She must've known we were going to search this place… but at the same time didn't care enough to hide the fact that she's responsible for all this. Why leave us the creepy scrapbook and newspapers?"

Esposito sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know. Maybe she knew we were talking to McCormick. Maybe this is all just a sick game to her. We need to put an APB on her and her car. She's not escaping us this time."

* * *

When Castle drifted back into consciousness, the loft was in almost complete darkness with only the dull evening light coming through the windows. A sharp, throbbing pain radiated in his head. He'd never been hit by a truck, but he figured now that he had a pretty good idea of how it felt. Everything was groggy as he tried to recall what had happened. He groaned and went to rub his eyes, only to find his movements restricted.

It was only then that he realized his hands were bound tightly behind his back, tied to a chair that was now sitting in the middle of his living room. He tried to move his legs only to find that they were restrained as well. Escaping would be a near-impossible task, he quickly realized.

"You're awake."

Castle whipped his head up to see a woman standing before him. She was tall, maybe an inch or two more so than Beckett, with dark hair. Her face was narrow, pointed, her eyes showing no trace of empathy or remorse.

"Who the hell are you? How the hell did you get into my home?" Castle mumbled, confused. His mind felt muggy and his body felt like it was encased in sludge, the sharp pain in his head unrelenting. Despite his dulled senses, however, he had a nagging feeling that he knew exactly who his captor was.

"I don't think my name matters to you all that much, Mr. Castle. And as for how I got in, well, the lobby security doesn't really seem to be up to standards and I've been around long enough to know how to pick a lock," she replied with a slight smirk. "While your questions are reasonable, I would think your primary concern would be if I let you live or not."

Before he could say anything or scream, she leaned in and slapped a piece of duct tape over Castle's mouth. He was powerless to fend her off, to do anything but just _sit_ there and hope against hope that the terrifying scenarios playing in his head weren't about to become a reality.

"Shhhhh," she whispered, her voice almost a croon. "It'll all be over soon."

She smiled as her captive's eyes widened, relishing in the power that his fear gave her.

"Not for you, though. For your wife. You're going to watch her die."

A strangled noise ripped from his throat as he fought in vain against his restraints. He watched helplessly as the woman in front of him dialed his wife to summon her to her death. A sneer spread across Megan's face as she put the phone on speaker, her eyes gleaming sadistically. His heart plummeted as he heard the phone connect and start ringing.

He prayed to some higher power for Kate not to pick up, but he knew it was pointless, knew that she would have her phone by her side, ready for the second he might need her. His fear was confirmed as the phone clicked on the other line and her husky voice came through the speakers.

"Castle? What's up?" she asked.

"Oh I would say there are a great many things up, Captain," Megan sneered. "I think you may want to get home; your husband isn't doing so good."

 _No,_ Castle tried to scream. He wanted to tell her that it was all a lie, that it was a trap and she should stay far far away from the loft, save herself and the baby. But he could already hear her shuffling around in her rush to get to him.

"What have you done?" Kate begged on the line, so unlike herself, so desperate. "Why are you doing this? I thought it was me you wanted."

"Ah, but I do, Captain Beckett. I want you to suffer as I have. I want you to feel your worst fears coming true. I want to see you lose everything."

And just like that the sickeningly sweet tone of her voice was gone, rage coming to the forefront.

"I would hurry if I were you, Captain."

The line was disconnected.


	5. Chapter 5

The trip from the precinct to the loft was a blur. One minute Beckett was barking at the boys to come with her, and the next she was screeching into a parking space. She wanted to tear up all the flights of stairs as fast as she could, but due to her ever-expanding belly, she was forced to wait too many precious seconds for the elevator to arrive. Her heart slammed against her ribs as she watched the lights above the elevator indicating its slow descent to the ground floor, her breaths coming out in uneven gasps. A few residents were in the lobby and were staring curiously at her, aware of her desperation but unsure how to help. She didn't care if she was getting strange looks. All she cared about was getting to her husband, and when the elevator finally arrived, she entered and pushed the button without any hesitation.

Beckett tried in vain to clamp down on the panic trying to claw its way out of her chest as she pushed out onto the fifth floor and pulled out her gun, flipping off the safety. The boys, who had taken the stairs, were right beside the elevator, waiting for her instructions. Approaching the door, they were absolutely quiet, desperately listening for any signs of life from inside. All they got in return was silence.

They had to get in there now, see what the hell was going on. Beckett turned to the boys and motioned towards the door with a jerk of her head. She slipped her house key from her pocket and quietly turned it in the lock.

As soon as they were inside the loft, she realized that the whole thing could just be a trap, that Castle's captor must have had ulterior motives for leading them here.

Too late.

Her eyes fell on her husband, bound and gagged in the middle of the room, Megan standing directly behind him, a gun to his head, her other arm around his neck in a chokehold to keep him still. His eyes were wide with terror, and she could hear his erratic breathing echoing through the sudden silence of their home. A sheen of tears was visible on his cheeks, cleaving her heart in two.

But she knew her husband well, and as much as she knew that he was barely reining in his own PTSD, she also knew that most of this fear was for her, for the child inside her, rather than for his own life.

There was no need for words; she could read it all in the panic swirling in his eyes. He was begging her to turn around and leave, to save herself, save their baby. But she was his _partner,_ his _wife,_ and she'd promised _always_ a long time ago.

Leaving him was not an option, could never be an option. And she realized with dread that this was exactly what his captor wanted. Megan had known she would come the second she said his name, knew exactly how to hurt her. And by proxy, knew exactly how to hurt _him_.

"Drop it!" Kate yelled, aiming her gun at the woman's head, the boys following suit, attempting to move behind her to gain a better angle.

"I won't be taking orders from you. I'm the one with leverage here. Now, you and your detectives are going to have to put down your guns and do exactly what I say, or I am going to put a bullet in his brain!" Megan commanded, shoving the gun harder into Castle's temple. His eyes squeezed shut in pain as the pressure increased on his skull.

"You're outnumbered, just please, drop the gun and we can end this now," Kate tried to reason, unable to keep the pleading out of her voice. This was her husband, and despite the hundreds of takedowns she'd conducted as a detective, she could not maintain a fierce façade.

"You know that that's not how this would end, Captain. All it takes is a tiny bit of pressure on this trigger and your husband is dead. You shoot me and my finger so much as twitches..."

Megan's mouth twisted into a grin that made Kate's stomach lurch violently. They both knew that she was right. Kate raised her hands in supplication, slowly lowering her weapon towards the floor. She had to ignore the yells that she could hear ripping from Castle's throat from behind the gag, forcing herself not to meet his pleading eyes.

She knew that she had to tread carefully if any of them hoped to get out alive, and so she conceded and placed her weapon on the floor, kicking it to the other end of the room with the side of her foot.

"Ryan, Espo, just do as she says," she barked hoarsely. The boys complied immediately, setting their guns down and kicking them away after Megan motioned her head, their eyes boring into the woman who had held them hostage not too long ago. She smirked gleefully, proud that she once again had them under her control.

"Good. Now I want your men to leave. This is between the three of us. I've already had my fun with your precious partners." A growl escaped from Esposito's throat, but he suppressed it immediately when Ryan glared at him. Much as they wanted to get revenge, keeping Castle safe was of utmost importance, and provoking Megan would only serve to get him killed.

"My detectives are staying with me. You want to play games? Play them with all of us here."

"I must remind you again, Captain, that you aren't in much of a position to bargain with me. I won't ask again. Tell your men to leave!" Megan finished on a snarl, her eyes piercing, unyielding.

Beckett swallowed hard, mind racing to find another card to play. But, ultimately, the other woman was right. She didn't have a good hand and she couldn't take big risks here. Not when it was Castle's life. Because he was her life.

"Alright guys, let's do this her way," the captain ordered, her voice wavering, losing its usual command. "Please."

"Beckett, no -" Esposito began.

"Please," she whispered, the word laced with desperation, imploring them to ignore all their training, all of what made them such good cops, because following a rule book was going to get her husband killed.

"I know this is Castle, but you need backup here. We won't let you do this alone," Ryan insisted, eyes sharpening with resolve.

But Beckett shook her head. "It's Castle. We don't have a choice. Go, please." She stared at the boys, they stared back, and for a moment it was a battle of wills.

After several tense seconds, they finally relented. Espo gave her a stiff nod before turning to walk out the door, giving Ryan a rough shove to follow.

"Now lock the door," Megan ordered.

Kate had no choice but to obey. Seizing an opportunity, however, she left the key in the lock, hoping the boys would notice when the time was right. Luckily, Megan didn't notice anything amiss.

"All right. They're gone. It's just you, me, and Castle. We can work this out." Despite the terror clawing at every inch of her body, she forced her voice to sound calm. _You got this, Kate. You can save him._

"No, _Captain._ There's nothing to 'work out' with you. I don't want that. I want you to suffer. I want you to feel the pain I have felt. I want to take your perfect little lives and tear them apart!" She was yelling by the end, nostrils flaring, her gun twisting against Castle's head and causing him to wince even more.

"Look, I know that you're hurting. I know that you found out that you can't have children and you're angry. It's not fair. Nor was your sister's death when you were young. I know how much it hurts to lose someone you love. I know how much pain you're in."

Beckett reached out a hand, trying to placate, or even comfort the woman holding her husband hostage. But Megan jerked back, keeping her hand with the gun steady.

"You don't know anything about me, Captain Beckett. You think that I mourned my sister's death? She tortured me every day. My parents were too drunk to notice, or even care. I was grateful when that bitch took her final breath!" The killer paused for a moment, inhaling deeply, her hand shaking slightly, the gun wavering against Castle's skull.

"You think you know my pain? You with the perfect childhood? With parents that loved you, who treated you like you meant the world to them? And now look at your life - your perfect high-powered job and your rich husband, baby on the way. What gives you the right to have all that while I have nothing?!"

In her anger, Megan broke her hold on Castle, swung the gun in Kate's direction. But Kate was faster and she lunged. She grabbed for the gun, one hand clutching Megan's wrist, twisting it in an attempt to break her grip while the other reached for the weapon.

But Megan was stronger than Kate expected. They grappled with the gun for a few moments before Beckett was able to regain control. She twisted Megan's arm, moving behind her so it was torqued behind her back, bringing her other arm around Megan's neck in a chokehold. Megan howled in pain, dropping the gun. Kate stretched her leg out in an attempt to kick the gun away while maintaining the hold, but her protruding belly kept her from having the firm grip she needed.

Megan broke free easily and raced for the gun. Before Beckett could react, Megan had picked up the gun, aimed at Castle's head, and pulled the trigger.

Beckett saw him lurch forward in the chair and she screamed.

* * *

It was like everything moved in slow motion. Her vision was a blur, her body paralyzed. In the corner of her eye she could see Megan slip past both of them, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except the man in front of her, the love of her life who was probably dying despite her promise years ago to keep him safe.

Beckett heard a crash from somewhere behind her, and the rush of commotion behind her as the boys must have burst through the door. The world snapped back into place, her husband still in the chair, with her once again not able to save him.

"Castle," she sobbed as she rushed towards his unmoving body. She rounded the chair and fell to her knees in front of him, bringing a trembling hand up to his cheek - and he jerked back suddenly. His eyes were squeezed shut, his breathing erratic, but he was alive.

Oh, God.

All of the air left her lungs in a whoosh; her hands began to roam his body - his torso, his face, up to the back of his head.

There was no blood. The bullet had been a blank.

"Rick," she gasped, the breath rushing back into her lungs with the sheer relief of him alive before her. Tears streamed down her face as she carefully removed the gag and untied the restraints from his arms and legs. As soon as she had him free she hauled him into her arms.

She pulled him as close as her stomach would let her, cradling his head into her shoulder as she buried her own in his. It only took a second for the dams to break.

His hands gripped at her back, clawing, trying desperately to draw her closer. His chest rose and fell in rapid succession as he gasped for breath. His whole body was shaking, his arms barely able to secure a hold around her. Tiny beads of his sweat slipped onto her skin, his tears soaking her shirt.

"Shhh, it's okay Rick. It's okay, I've got you. You're safe, okay, you're safe. You're safe, you're safe." Kate whispered the mantra over and over again, as much for herself as it was for him. She stroke her hand up and down his back, up his neck and to the base of his skull, brushing the soft hairs there.

They stayed like that for a long moment. She refused to let him go as they rode out his panic together, ignoring the boys and the crime scene techs that she knew were flooding the scene. She didn't give a damn if they saw. He was the only one who mattered.

"Just breathe, babe."

After a long while, Castle's breath slowed to and his grip on her loosened. She drew back just enough to rest her forehead to his. Slowly, his eyes slid open to meet hers, the puffiness and redness a stark contrast to his beautiful blue eyes.

Such a stupid thing to notice.

Kate stroked her thumb slowly at his cheeks, catching the remainder of the tears, and gave him a watery smile.

They were going to be okay.

* * *

The boys informed them that Megan had escaped through their window and ran up the fire escape to the roof. Despite the backup, she'd been able to slip away from everyone, making the entire precinct look like fools for losing her a second time. Even worse, Kate had been forced to contact the FBI to see about getting a team to help track Megan down. Knowing her disdain for asking the feds for help, she must've been humiliated to make that call.

Another serial killer free. Another ghost to chase. And it was his fault, all his fault.

Castle was pulled out of his thoughts as he felt the pressure of his wife's calming fingers on his arm. She smiled gently at him. "You okay to stay in the loft tonight? We can get a hotel if it's too soon."

He sighed, his other hand stretching over to cover her digits with his. "I'm as okay here as I'll be anywhere else."

She nodded in understanding. Megan or not, this was their home. "Then let's go to bed, Rick. Let's forget about this for tonight."

"Can we? Can we forget?" He felt the beginnings of tears pricking in his eyes. "She wanted me to watch you die. And then... and then I had a panic attack over a damn _blank_! A BLANK! I'm such an idiot, letting her get the drop on me, and then you, my pregnant wife, had to come save me. I'm supposed to be the one protecting you and I can't even protect myself." He shrugged off her light grip on his shoulder.

He didn't deserve the comfort of her touch.

God, he was so _weak._ He was her husband, her _partner_ , someone she trusted with her _life._ And he had lost it over a nonexistent bullet.

"I had a panic attack when I heard a siren." Her voice interrupted and he blinked rapidly, focusing on his wife. "I had a panic attack when the sniper shot someone and she was crying to me from her stretcher. I had a panic attack when I was alone and safe in my apartment. And you know what? None of those attacks made me anything less of a person and you never saw me as such. You aren't weak, Castle. You're fighting a monster no one can see. And maybe there were a few moments, back there with Megan, where it was winning. But you overpowered it. You're here and you're healing and it's everything. You're everything to me and I'm just so happy you're okay."

When she was finished speaking, Beckett gently pulled her husband into her embrace. He was still for a few moments, and then gingerly wrapped his arms around her body, mindful of her belly.

"Thank you," he mumbled against her ear, pressing a kiss into her soft skin.

"For what?" she breathed.

"Being everything."

They held each other for several more minutes, neither willing to break the bond. However, exhaustion began to creep into both of their bodies, and it was when they were alternating yawns that Beckett slipped out of the embrace. She pulled her husband into bed and curled against his side, her head on his chest.

Finally, peace.

* * *

They slept in, getting enough rest for probably the first time in days. It was after 10:00 A.M. when Beckett's eyes finally slipped open. She immediately scanned her surroundings to find her husband, and breathed a sigh of relief when she realized that he was still in their bed, body angled towards her.

He was here. He was okay.

She reached out a hand to stroke his face, the lines of worry and fear finally erased from his face in his slumber. Castle stirred at her touch, his eyes blinking open slowly, immediately locking onto her, and he gave her a small, sleepy smile.

"Hi," she murmured, running a doting hand along his forehead. "How are you feeling?"

Castle paused for a moment, then sighed and looked directly at her. His eyes no longer had the haunted expression they had the night before, merely a faint tinge of worry and... hope. Yeah. There was some hope in his eyes.

"I'm... I'm healing, Kate. I'm not perfectly okay right now, but I'm okay enough to enjoy this moment, here, right now, with you. I'm going to get through this."

His wife smiled. "We're going to get through this. And you're going to get another therapy session as soon as possible, okay? And maybe I will too."

Castle leaned over and lightly brushed his lips to her cheek. "Okay."

They stayed in bed for at least another twenty minutes, mostly in silence, just enjoying the other's company and basking in the knowledge that they had lived to fight another day, that they _were_ going to be all right.

The silence was broken by Beckett's stomach growling loudly.

"Okay, okay, message received, baby," Castle laughed, affectionately patting her belly. "You're starving. I'll make you and Mommy some breakfast, okay?" He kissed Beckett's forehead and leapt out of bed, boxers and all, and headed out towards the kitchen.

"You're so lucky, baby," Beckett whispered to her growing child. "You're so lucky to have him as a daddy."

"KATE!" It was more than a yell. It was a guttural scream, bouncing off the walls and piercing her heart.

 _Something was horribly, horribly wrong._

"Castle!" She quickly freed herself from the covers and walked as fast as she could to where her husband was standing next to the loft entrance. He was holding a piece of paper, hand trembling.

"What's going on?" Beckett placed a reassuring hand on his elbow. But he was silent, unable to speak the horror into words. He silently handed her what he'd been looking at.

It was a sonogram. A sonogram she recognized instantly, a sonogram she'd been so proud to carry with her, a sonogram she had memorized in full because she wanted to know every detail, every little part of the precious child that was growing and changing inside her.

"Someone slid it under our door," Castle muttered. He said something else, but it was so incoherent, so drowned out by his anguish that she wasn't able to catch it.

As if by instinct, she flipped the sonogram of their baby over. And gasped as her eyes fell upon the words written in red ink.

BE AFRAID.

* * *

 _Episode beta work by ipreferwestside, whatifellinlovewith, and the Castle Season 9 beta team: acertainzest, ivyandtwine, and amtepe._

 _Castle Season 9 is produced by Team Planet and the writing team of Castle Season 9_ _. Executive Producer is acertainzest._

 _For a full list of season 9 authors, please look at our ffnet profile._

 _Twitter: castleseason9_

 _Tumblr: castleseason9 dot tumblr dot com_

 _Special thanks to castlefanfics for promotions_

* * *

 _* * Reminder - we are now on hiatus until March 20th. * *_


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